The updated version of A to Z

I have got this part-time job of taking care of a noisy, rondu baccha. Not that I am paid for this baby-sitting and shitting job, but I took it up just for time pass. I was told that the kid needs to be taught A-Z and some nursery rhymes so that he will be ready before joining the play school this june. In a ekdum rani lakshmi bai ishtyle, I accepted this challenge. Now, that I believe in upgrading the existing educational system, I taught the kid A-Z and nursery rhymes in a different manner. Needless to say, the kid has learnt it all very fast and the mom is fuming, god knows why.

A-Z (some words are missing)

A- AIADMK

B- BJP

C- Congress

D-DMK

J- Janta Dal

M- MNS

N- NDA, NCP (bacche kaa choice)

P- Praja Rajyam

R- RJD

S- Shiv Sena

T- Telegu Desam Party

U- UPA

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill,

To fetch a pail of water,

God knows what they did up there,

They came down with a daughter

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

I wanted to teach the kid this poem...but then as Circuit tells Munnabhai...you cannot find stars in the sky now. So unfortunately (for me) or fortunately (for the mother of the kid), I could not teach the kid this famous poem effectively :(

Maths: The subject that I loved to hate

1 and 1= 11

4 and 4= 44

8 and 8= 88

00 and 7= James Bond

(some idiot teacher said that the function of 'and' is 'to add'...but I did not want to complicate matters for the kid, so taught him this method :P )

This is just a preview, picture toh abhi baaki hain mere dost ;-) I am sure the kid will grow up to be a smart kid 'like ME' if he is guided by me like this. What say???

Mera CCD

I have become so obsessed with this new business venture that I just can't stop pakaoing people about it. By now everyone knows my business plan and I am sure with the amount of publicity I am doing, someone will start it off even before I do. But still, I am taking this risk and will now happily blurt out my plans.


Birth of the self-procliamed great idea: It all started as a childhood dream. I dreamt of becoming a security guard for RBI. But then I never got a chance to fulfill my dream. Not the one to give up so easily, I started getting trained for the coveted watchman profession. But little did I know that one of my blogger dost Parikshith was being trained for the same. Not just he, even a guy from my building always had an eye on the third floor of the opposite building. I am still curious to know what's so special about that third floor except for the girl who wears short skirts and walks down the lane??????? Anyways, the competition has increased and I am in no mood to sacrifice my sleep for this profession. So I have given up the previous idea and am now all set to start my own CCD.

CCD and it's USP: No, no dont mistake me. I am NOT talking about Cafe Coffee Day. I am talking about my CCD (Cutting Chai Dukaan). The USP of my Dukaan would be to serve garma garam chai for just Rs. 2.50 and to serve it almost instantaneously. And oh yes the hygiene would surely be taken care of. Afterall, humein aapki (aur aapke paise kii) Chinta (read: zaroorat) hain.

Flavors available: Like the original CCD, we too shall introduce some naya naya flavors. But yes my favorite adrak wali chai and my health CON-scious friend's favorite Lemon tea would surely be available.

My brand ambassador: Now, yeh badi lambi kahani hain...will tell you some other day as to why he is my brand ambassador.

(and no, he shall not welcome you this way..so chill)

And now the capital: To start anything, we need money (in angrezi), paisa (in almost all languages), panam (in my mother tongue) or in bijnees sorry business lingo...they call it CAPITAL. Right from doodh to chai patti to kursi and table and my CCD executive (jazzy name for chai deliverywala), I need paisa. Initially I thought of issuing IPO for collecting funds for my CCD. But then I want better ideas for this.

So here's your chance my blogger doston...scratch your head, put your brains to work and come up with an idea for collecting initial funds for my business venture. I promise you...if your idea works, I will name my chai after your name like: Sangeeta Masala chai, Sid Lemon Tea and so on. Ok fine, I will give better names don't worry. And yes, you will also get free chai everytime you come to my humble CCD.

Yeh hain mumbai local meri jaan...

If you have been to Mumbai, or if you are a resident of this city...you are likely to see this daily.

(The Shah Rukhs of Local Train: the one's on the roof remind me of the 'chaiyya chaiyya' song from Dil Se)

Mumbai Local trains are the fastest and best mode of transport available to us. The proliferation of cars, assorted road dissection and open manholes in every step has made apun kaa trains the most preferred mode of transport for common man and woman. It is believed that every train carries atleast 4,700 passengers daily. So you can imagine the number of people travelling by trains daily. No wonder the terrorists loved to target our local trains.

(this is an image of one of those serial train blasts in 2006)

I still remember my first journey by the local train. I had clinged to my brother like a blood sucking leech and literally cried out...nahi jaana mujhe train se nahi jaana mujhe. I even reminded him that if I get lost like the filmy brother sisters, we shall never be reunited as we neither have bachpan kii nishaani or a family song like 'Yaadon kii baarat'. But my brother was adamant, not the one to bear his kid sister's nautanki, he requested a near by aunty to help me out and gave me a list of Do's and Dont's. Now, after 8 years...I can proudly say that I have become a pro in travelling by this heavily crowded trains. Not a huge feat I know...but it's my blog...so I obviously have the right to praise myself :)

There are so many experiences to share...but a single post wont do justice. Every day is equally eventful for me. Right from balancing myself on the over-crowded foot board, fighting with machiwali (fisher women), to getting crushed between two fat aunties...it's fun.

(A common sight in Ladies compartment)

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if Local trains become extinct like the trams. I pray such a thing never happens. Like the BEST buses, BSE (Bombay Stock Exchange), Taj Hotel and the all time favorite Vada Pav...local train is the jaan of Mumbai.

Oh I am becoming senti now...theek hain...before I flood my blog with tears, I will leave you with one of my favorite song...ENJOY!!!

A letter from aam janta

Dear noble netas,
I, an aam janta of this beautiful country took special efforts to go to the polling booth, stood in a never ending line, braved the hot sun, got my left hand's middle finger painted and casted my vote to a candidate (who by the way does not even reside in any of my constituency's areas).

I know you all are maha sad because the voter's turnout has been low everywhere. Add to it the chindi mindi political parties, regional parties, independent candidates...uff you must be under lot of stress naa. So as a responsible citizen, I have made a list of ace cardiologists who would treat upon you incase if you get a heart attack (out of shock, happiness, stress or eating unhealthy food with our hard earned money).

Well, now that I fulfilled my duty towards the country by voting...I wish to exercise the right that has been bestowed upon me by the constitution. I have been given the freedom of expression...so I am going to use this now. I know my blog is not going to be read by you, yet I am enlisting my queries here. If by mistake you come across my blog...do answer me!


So here are my questions:

1. Ok, so once you win...will u abolish reservations? An individual should get admissions in IIT and IIM on the basis of his/her merits not on the basis of his caste, religion or region. If reservation is necessary, then offer seats to the one's who are economically deprived and not to those who do not work hard but get admissions in ace institutes because they belong to some so-called deprived caste. I hate the current reservation policies. So please do something about it.


2. Will you learn to wrap up things quickly? Right from Sky-walks to a Bandra-Worli Sea link...everything is going on since Jodha-Akbar's zamana. Why should we suffer daily. We are NOT INTERESTED in TREKKING...so kindly get this done ASAP and let us walk without jumping over bricks and balancing on the cement bags.


3. Will you talk about the PRESENT, there are many other pressing issues on our head. STOP your blame game. We don't want to know who was in power when Babri Masjid incident happened, we are keen on knowing which party is going to provide us with strong security. No Indian now has the strength to face yet another terror attack.


4. UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL. Have you heard of this? If not, please follow this, because boss the inner fights between the states has left us aam janta unattended and unprotected. Every other country knows what's happening within our nation, why expose our weakness to other coutries? Ashoka the great once said: LIVE and LET LIVE. So it would be great if we stop fighting and work towards making OUR country a successful country.

5. CAN WE PLEASE STOP GUESSING AJMAL AMIR KASAB's (sorry if the spelling is wrong) AGE? WE ARE NOT BOTHERED IF HE IS A MAJOR OR A MINOR. HE HAS COMMITTED A CRIME, SO FOCUS ON THAT.

6. Finally, can we have our index finger painted instead of the middle finger. Yesterday when I entered my office...my boss asked me if I voted. The show-off that I am, I responded to his question by showing him my middle finger. I realized my folly only after I saw his face turn beetroot red. And I have not yet got my salary. So please EC next index finger haan.

These are my queries. I know I won't get any answers. But then it's ok...I wrote this to vent out my inner frustration. Now that I am done with it, I can resume back to playing NFS now.

Your's truly,

Aam Janta